Parenting
A little over 17 years ago, we brought our sweet son Peyton home from the hospital. It was one day after his twin sister had passed and 14 months after his older sister Mackenzie had passed. This boy was our everything. I remember later that summer our cat Bandit died and it almost sent me over the edge. I called a Christian counselor in Bloomington and told her a quick version of why I wanted to see her. In a 15 month time period, we had 3 children 2 of whom died, and 3 grandparents pass away. The counselor said, "And the cat was your last straw?" I laughed and said, "I guess so." I remember feeling so afraid that Peyton was going to grow up sad because he had 2 sisters in Heaven. Carolyn, my counselor, said, "Kim, he won't be sad. You are sad. These deaths won't define him. He is here. He is his own person now."
This was profound to me. He was the happiest, most precious child ever (of course I'm biased). Everyone said that time with your kids goes so quickly , and there are times where I have agreed and other times, like potty training, that seemed like forever!!
Now my sweet red haired boy is a senior in high school and looking at colleges. I am sad, excited, scared, and proud. I am sad that he doesn't seem to need me anymore. I pray that he will need me always just in a different way. I am excited because he is strong, independent, smart, talented, funny as can be, faith filled, polite to everyone except his parents and sister apparently. I am also excited because he has his whole life ahead of him and his future is bright. I am scared of the unknown. What if he doesn't make good choices? What if he falls away from his faith? I could go on forever with the what ifs. And I am proud. He is forging his own future. He listens a little more lately because he is figuring out that maybe his parents aren't as clueless as he thought. He is realizing that if he goes away to college he won't have mom and dad to do his laundry and prepare his meals. He also won't have his little sister to annoy and aggravate, but just maybe they will miss each other and their relationship will grow into something better, different, and great.
This past Wednesday at the PTHS Golf Regional a coach from a college Peyton is interested in came to watch him play. He introduced himself to me, and he patiently listened to my questions while we watched Peyton golf a few holes. He handed me his card and told me to contact him if I had more questions. More questions? I have hundreds of questions, but they can't be answered by the golf coach.
My sadness, my excitedness, my fear, and my pride are all because of God. He carried us through the death of our daughters. He held us when we brought Peyton home and we had no idea what we were doing. He helped us conquer the unexpected things in our lives. He shaped and formed this awesome human into His likeness. Holy smokes. It is so amazing when you think about how truly blessed we are. Yes there has been great suffering, but man oh man has their been great joy. Peyton brings me such great joy. That joy doesn't end because my baby boy is growing up and maybe moving away. I have felt super sentimental these past couple weeks in regards to Peyton. I made a conscious decision recently not let the fear take over. I offer it up to God. I always tell Peyton, "Tell God. Let Him help."
Please continue to pray for all the parents going through these new times and for their kids. We want them to grow and fly away, but man is it hard sometimes. God bless!
