Be Curious, Not Judgmental
This summer I have been re-watching the series Ted Lasso, which I watched last year for the first time after many people recommended it. The main character has some great lines, and one that caught my attention was a quote attributed to Walt Whitman. “Be curious, not judgmental.” After some research, I learned that this was never actually said or written by Walt Whitman, but I thought it was a powerful quote regardless of who said it first because it seems to fit perfectly with the times we live in. Whether it be about politics, religion, gossip, work issues, family drama, or friendships, this sage phrase applies.
It seems to be a part of human nature to judge other people in a way that is sometimes different than we judge ourselves. About 10 or 12 years ago, a woman and her young children moved into our neighborhood. She had several young children and had gone through a horribly public, ugly divorce. Per her divorce decree and parenting plan, her kids went back and forth every other week between her home and her ex-husband’s home. From my perspective, she seemed to enjoy the time she had away from her kids. She went out, had a good time, and took trips with her friends. It seemed like she was a part-time mom. I thought it was horrible. And then 7 years ago, I found myself in a situation where I was about to be a divorced mom with 2 young kids. My kids would go back and forth every Sunday between my house and their dad’s. I couldn’t believe it. My kids have hated packing up stuff every week to go to the other parent’s home. We had planned on co-parenting, and we have to a degree, but it hasn’t been easy. I realize now my neighbor was making the best of a very difficult situation.
I judged my neighbor for the choices she made without the facts or information to make an informed opinion. No doubt, people have heard about my situation and think about all kinds of things. What I decided 7 years ago was that I had to have some good come of this horrible situation. If I can get through the death of my girls, and my parents, and survive cancer, I had to survive divorce and judgment from others and myself. The judgment from myself has been nearly paralyzing.
I realized that I need my faith, friends, and family to hold me accountable and guide me. My faith has been the biggest blessing and challenge. The blessing in all of the obvious ways it has guided me through these trying times. God loves me despite my mistakes, and continues to give me the gift of His mercy and forgiveness. The challenge for me is consistency. Waking up each day and following God’s word and example. This should not be hard, but some days it seems daunting.
“Be curious, not judgmental.” I don’t always follow through on the curiosity part - I jump straight to judgment. I believe that is my ego or pride coming through. I think it comes down to showing grace to others while holding myself to God’s word. I will strive to continue to learn and grow in God’s message and get back to being curious.
Lord, give me a non-judgmental heart. Help me to love each person I encounter with a holy love and acceptance. Help me to have the charity I need to correct the wrongdoing with kindness and firmness, but to also see beyond the surface and see the person You created. In turn, give me the true love and friendship of others so that I may trust and enjoy the love You wish me to have. Jesus, I trust in You.
