Expectations
It was 1990, and my team was playing for the 7A girls basketball state championship. We were having a successful season, and we had expectations of winning it all. Well, we couldn’t shut down the sharpshooter on the opposing team, and the lopsided final score meant we were going home with 2nd place. One of the things I remember most was the disappointment of losing. I have the picture to prove it. While all my teammates were smiling as a team and gathered around the trophy, my eyes were still red from the sting of losing, and I could barely squeak out a smile. This photo tells a lot about me at that age - expectations of winning were high. I even remember the “Basketball is life…the rest is just details” shirt I wore with pride back then.
Our expectations certainly revolve around what is most important to us, don’t they? In 7th grade, I rated a winning basketball season super high on my list. And today, my expectations are highly driven by my priorities. For example, I expect my family to go to Mass because the Eucharist is a priority. I expect my children to treat others well because kindness is a priority of mine. I expect my kids to work hard at school because academics are a priority of mine. The list goes on.
We all have expectations for ourselves, our children, our students, and even our relationships with others. It’s a human thing - we plan for something, we have expectations, we expect things to go a certain way. What I was awakened to this week is making sure my expectations are properly prioritized. As a parent, I have been trying to discern what expectations I can have as my children get older. I’m navigating this new chapter of parenting called being a college parent. Even though my son is 19, I still have expectations for him. As he’s gotten older, the onus is more and more on him. But to what degree do my expectations have volume, have a voice?
Additionally, and arguably the bigger question…what expectations do I prioritize? The world around us tends to expect and prioritize the accomplishments, the activities, and the accolades. I need to step back from this disordered view and recalibrate. My expectations for my son are rooted in his path toward heaven, being a good person, and using his God-given gifts. I have to prioritize his eternal life rather than prioritize things of this world.
Our expectations need to be properly ordered. What do we expect of ourselves? What do we expect of others? Are the expectations fair and just? Are they rightly ordered from a God-loving perspective? Lately, I’ve needed to be reminded of making sure my expectations of self and others are rightly prioritized.
In Sunday’s Gospel, we will hear the ultimate expectation (Matthew 22:15-21). The Pharisees were trying to trick Jesus and catch him in a sticky situation when they asked him, “Is it lawful to pay the census tax to Caesar or not?” Jesus fires back at the Pharisees and prompts them to answer whose face is on the coin that pays the Roman census tax. “Caesar’s,” they correctly answer. And Jesus’ mic-drop reply: “Then repay to Caesar what belongs to Caesar and to God what belongs to God.” To expand on this, Jesus says to give back to Caesar what Caesar’s image is on - the coin. But the part about giving back to God what belongs to God is a directed expectation for each of us. Caesar’s image was on the coin, but God’s image is on us because we are made in the image and likeness of God. Therefore, giving back to God what His image is on really means giving ourselves back to God. We give ourselves back to God by not sitting back idly in our culture. Having expectations is good, but prioritizing and rightly ordering those expectations is best.