Heart of a Mother
This quote from my favorite saint solidified what my writing would be about this week. My beautiful baby girl’s birth.
January 2009 was a big month. We were patiently waiting for our just-turned-18, birth mom Gina to have Trinity. Gina turned 18 on January 5th and was due that week. However, Miss Trinity wasn't ready and took her sweet time arriving.
One week past Trinity’s due date, Gina's mom called and said she wanted to talk to us. She said Gina had some questions for us. We took off in a snow storm to meet with Gina and her mom in Jacksonville, where they were living at that time. Gina knew that the best thing for Trinity was adoption, but she had some doubts. The big question was how "open" would we be? Would Gina get to have Trinity for sleepovers? We said no. If Gina wanted to meet up with friends at the mall, could she take Trinity? We said no. I'll be honest - I wanted to scream, "Yes. We will do anything you want." But I didn't. I couldn't. If we adopted Trinity, open or not, this was not going to be joint custody. She would be our daughter, and Gina would be our birth mom.
Well, another week went by and Gina had not made a birth plan. Meaning, she had not told us whether we would be at the hospital or not for the birth. At the end of the day, we wanted Gina and Trinity to both be healthy. Of course, we wanted Gina to place her with us; however, I could not stop thinking about Gina and the loss she would eventually feel. I knew what it was like to lose a child. Logically, I knew Gina was choosing to place Trinity, whereas we did not choose to lose Mackenzie or Hayley, but my heart was heavy. The loss was weighing on me. I couldn't shake it.
It's time!!! Monday, January 19th was induction day, more than 2 weeks past due. We chatted with Gina on the phone a few times. Everyone was super excited. This was the deal: we always knew Gina could change her mind. We knew that, but we believed God had put us in Gina's life for a reason - maybe to be Trinity's family or maybe to be extra family for Gina - we just didn't know for sure. Early in the morning on Tuesday, January 20, I spoke with Gina. She was doing well; she was tired, but labor was progressing. I was home with 4-1/2 year old Peyton watching the inauguration, anxiously waiting for a call that Gina and Trinity were healthy.
We waited. And waited. The call did not come. By dinner time, I was almost inconsolable. I was so afraid for Gina. She was so young and scared, and I just wanted her to be safe. I somehow knew Trinity was good. My fear wasn't for her; it was for Gina. Around 8 or 8:30 that night we got a call from Gina's sister who was at college. She was calling to congratulate us. She was unaware that we had no idea if Gina was ok or that she had the baby. Awkward!!! We promised not to tell anyone that she called us, but she assured us that Gina and Trinity were healthy.
The rest, as they say, is history. Gina placed Trinity with us 9 weeks later. Gina mothered Trinity. She loved her enough (still does) to make an unbelievably selfless decision and placed Trinity with us. The night in March after we got home with Trinity, Gina called about midnight, so upset. She needed me to reassure her that she had done the right thing. I couldn't reassure her of that. I reassured her that as long as I was around, we would have a relationship with her. That Trinity would always know how loved she was/is.
It has been 16 years. My sweet girl turned 16 on Monday, and man has the time just flown by. Gina lives out of state, but we always see her when she comes to visit Illinois. I feel so blessed to know her and grateful to love her. I can't imagine making the sacrifice she made. I believe Gina knows how loved she is and what a blessing Trinity is in our family. If you know us, then you know Trin is a critical piece to us. She is the missing piece. Thank God for Gina. Thank God for the love she showed 16 years ago and every day since. There truly is nothing like a mother's love.
I am including a pic from our latest visit at the end of December.
