Look
Then Jesus spoke, "What do you want me to do for you?"
The blind man said to him, "Rabbi, I want to see."
Mark 10:51
In our church, one of the things that I really enjoy is the art and statues. There is this stunning painting behind the altar called "The Adoration of the Magi", by Murillo. I love this painting so much for so many reasons. One of the Magi is kneeling to look right into the infant Jesus’ eyes.
Directly above where we receive the Eucharist is a large crucifix, where the nails through Jesus’ hands and feet are quite prominent. Where I sit, these two things are directly in my line of sight, one behind the other.
Many times at mass I have found myself looking at his nailed feet, and then looking away after a few seconds. It would hurt me just to look at them. Looking at the cross reminds me of the worst of human nature – betrayal, injustice, malevolence. I have to remember that the best is there too though. He triumphed over death, and there were those who came to aid Him during His passion.
Years ago, I read a book, The Anti-Mary Exposed by Carrie Gress. In this book, there is an account of Our Lady at the foot of the cross. Without reproducing the whole account, my takeaway was that she did not look away from her beloved Son.
This has stayed with me ever since. Imagine her strength. We are all called to aim at total faith in God’s goodness, even when confronting unimaginable suffering.
About a month before my father died of cancer, he had multiple mild strokes that left him hospitalized, unable to do many basic things. I was alone with him in his hospital room when the physical therapist had him sit up and try to put on and take off socks. He was barely able to do this with one foot and couldn’t with the other. I watched him even though he was struggling, and did not look away. My father had been so physically strong, but now in those moments I was changed by seeing his inner strength, determination, and humility.
Later, a few days before he died, he was at home on hospice care. He had lost all physical function except the beating of his heart and his breathing. I sat by his bed, and what I saw was that my dad was a man who had poured out everything he had his entire life, for other people. I was filled with gratitude for him. I saw all the things I take for granted, every hug, step, each time I pick up my two-year-old, or hold my husband’s hand. I saw something happening to my father that I did not and was not meant to fully understand, and needed to have strength and patience for. I saw my siblings and mother come together to serve and care for him, that bond of sacrificial love in the midst of pain. What I saw changed my life profoundly. I was given this gift of the life and witness of my father, who confronted death without fear.
There are many things we would rather not see or think about. Over and over again in scripture we are told not to be afraid. How do we contend with suffering, lies, the unknown, and evil then, without fear?
I struggle to articulate an answer to this. I’m sure others, especially the Saints, have done a better job than I will do. But God has put a desire in me to share what I have seen.
Now, instead of looking away from the cross, I look, and I think about the many things that cause my heart to ache, and I pray –
Jesus, be my strength to look at what I fear. I unite my heartaches to Your suffering. It is the least I can do in light of what you did for me. Please give me eyes to see Your goodness in the midst of pain, and things that I can’t make sense of. Strengthen my resolve to be more peaceful and grateful. Help me to honor my father by living the way he did, in my vocations as a wife and mother. Help me to listen to the guiding voice of the Holy Spirit in order to witness to the beauty of all of life’s trials, and to stand up for truth. Be my peace and hope. If it be Your will, may Your strength, through me, be a witness to others I encounter, who need You.
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Today's Faith Friday was written by friend and guest writer, Kate Niebur. Kate is a wife and mom to four daughters and lives in Normal, IL with her family. They are members of Epiphany Catholic Church.