Stop Doing List
I am a list maker. I also love colored sticky notes. Put the two together, and you will see sticky notes of lists around my desk, in my planner, and sometimes on my phone (those are the ones that I cannot forget to do). Lists can be helpful; however, there is one type of list that has proven to be extra helpful in my life:
The Stop Doing List
The Stop Doing List is aptly named - it leads a person to identify something that they should stop doing. Those of you who know Father Adam may have been enlightened by this concept. Many of us tend to find ourselves in a situation where time is our most precious commodity, and we just don’t have enough of it to do the things we think we need to do. We can “free up time” in our lives by not doing things or stopping them. The main point of the Stop Doing List is not simply to say no to things and be a bum by taking things off our plate. The “why” behind the Stop Doing List is to assess what we are already doing, make a list of these things, and then really discern which ones are allowing us to fulfill our current vocations as spouse, parent, child, friend, or employee.
When Father Adam had me do this exercise years ago, I made a list of the things I did on a daily basis, weekly basis, monthly basis. It included both work and volunteer things, as well as things at home, because the goal, the “why,” was for me to live out my vocations better as a daughter of God, wife, and mom. A secondary “why” of taking a look at the things I was doing was to determine if I was utilizing my gifts in the right way. Being in the choir was not on my list of things that I was doing at the time, but if it were, I would have needed to come to terms with my gifts not aligning with what I was doing.
Making a list of the things I occupied my time with, and then separating out a Stop Doing List was not a quick process. It took a fair amount of prayer, self-reflection, gut-checking, and overall coming to terms with the reasons why I am doing what I am doing.
I recently revisited some of my takeaways from that assignment years ago:
I found that I was saying yes to doing good things for others, but it came at the cost of not being the best person I needed to be for my husband and my children. My “domestic church” at home needed to come first before other volunteer tasks.
I noticed that things on my list were maybe too self-involved, too self-absorbed. For example, working out is a good thing, but when I was getting up super early five mornings a week, there were days that I did not have much left in the tank after 8pm for my family.
I was gut-checked by the fact that some of the things I do just don’t matter. They are fluff. I do them because it is a habit or routine, but it takes up precious time, and in the big scheme of things, it just doesn’t matter. Don’t laugh, but from this gut-check, I added itemizing food receipts and weekly washing of all bedding to my Stop Doing List. Each of those things have a level of importance, but I needed to lay off my compulsion to do things that “I always did.”
I learned that sometimes it means to stop doing one thing because there is a better alternative. A better, more fulfilling, something else to do. It does not mean that we should become busier, but we should become more intentional with our time.
Sometimes it means that we are not using our gifts and talents in the way we are called. Going back to my comment about (not) being in the choir, the point here is to remember and recognize our gifts. We are each given a particular calling from God (Ephesians 4:1), and He gives us the grace we need to live out that call.
By working on a Stop Doing List, we can try to regain some time, be intentional with our time, and maybe even refine the things we do to align with our gifts and talents. It can be a periodic re-assessment. As St. Paul writes, “[May our God] make you worthy of his calling and powerfully bring to fulfillment every good purpose and every effort of faith, that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, in accord with the grace of our God and Lord Jesus Christ.” (2 Thessalonians 1:11-12)