The Better Path
Our second child is starting his behind-the-wheel hours, and I am still learning to navigate. This reality set in recently as I made plans for him with a driving school…and I proceeded to make two wrong turns.
Here are the events that unfolded during my figurative wrong turns:
BOOM. Life stressor occurs.
I take the first path, which includes gritting my teeth and just trying to get through the stress. I internalize my emotion and try to distract myself from the hurt by focusing on the many other things I think I must do this week.
When I see that this first path is leading to a dead end of denial and self-protection, I decide to take a second path.
The second path includes full-on emotion, which means letting out my hurt (the hurt that has now become frustration mixed with anger). I choose to bend my husband’s ear and spill out the whole story. And I couldn’t stop there, so I called my mom to let out a little more of my hurt.
Have you traveled this route? Does it feel familiar? Sometimes I initially turn to the second path because it just feels good to get the emotion out first. Then, when that road ends (because it’s a bit exhausting and bears no fruit other than bitterness), I turn over to the other path. I allow my feelings to stew and mask them over, maybe bury them a bit so that they don’t surface for a while, and I push on through.
While I’ve taken both paths many times after a life stressor, I tend to forget neither path leads to a destination of peace, closure, or goodwill. I have forgotten that there is a better path.
The better path takes trust. Trust in God’s plan. Trust is such a simple word but has incredible impact.
The better path takes practice. We often react to a situation, and let’s face it, our emotions do the driving. Instead of simply reacting, like I did on the first or second path, I need to practice responding. I have found that when I respond rather than react, my first action is a pause, a silence. Instead of making it about me, there is a pause to help bring God into the situation. This response takes practice. I recently fell back into the trap of an immediate, emotional reaction, but I observed that path alone does not bring peace, closure, or goodwill.
The better path takes maturity. Maturity opens up a third path because it allows me to step back from focusing on myself and open my heart to what God is trying to reveal. The better path includes asking the question, “God, what are you trying to teach me in this moment?” The better path requires looking at a situation, no matter how frustrating or hurtful it may be, and looking at it as something that has passed through God’s hands: “He has allowed it because He has already figured out how to bring good from it, no matter how much evidence points to the contrary.” (Lisa Brenninkmeyer, Ordering Your Priorities: Building a Life Well Lived (2021), 55)
I have taken these two wrong turns repeatedly through my life. Hopefully through trust, practice, and maturity I will more consistently take the better path. I’m going to consider it my own lesson in behind-the-wheel.