Unplanned Blessings

In the spring of 1996, I had just called the top level of my phone tree for my Varsity Softball team because our tournament in Rantoul had been rained out. It was early on a Saturday morning. I hung up the phone (land line), and it rang immediately. I assumed it was one of my girls asking about the tournament. I was wrong; it was my dad. He asked what I was doing and how were things going. I explained about the tournament and that I was kind of hoping to go back to sleep. He then said, "I left your mom." I replied, "Where did you leave her?" (I thought I was funny even back then!) He then proceeded to tell me that almost three days earlier he had decided after almost 30 years of marriage that he was done. I was in total disbelief. I'll be honest; it was devastating. My parents were a great couple, or so I thought. I was embarrassed, sad, angry, shocked, and just felt like I had been tricked. I made a promise to myself that I would never put my children through divorce. 

Now fast forward to 2017. I am finishing up my chemo and radiation, on the uphill swing. My son comes up to me at home, on a Sunday in March, and asked, "Mom, are you and dad going to get a divorce?" I was adamant and said, "Absolutely not. No way. Why would you think that?" He explained that he just had a feeling. I assured him that he was wrong and all was well. I was wrong; and nothing was well. Our family got torn apart by divorce. We began to learn to navigate the ways of a split household. One week with the kids, one week without. It was horrible. I really didn't know I would survive that time. I was so disappointed that I hadn't seen what was happening, but my kids had in some way. I won't lie - it was pretty rough for a while. The separation and eventual divorce forced me to be more than I had been. I didn't have a partner I could rely on or depend upon for help. I had to rely on myself, my family and friends, and my faith. I knew there had to be some good that came from all of this upheaval. I knew how much I hated divorce when I was 28 years old; my kids were 13 and 8. I think faith enables us to accept the unexplained with the hopes that some day we will get our answer. 

I still don't know the reason why things happen, but I know that some good or blessing shines through eventually. This August, my son started his "adult job" and officially moved back in with me full time. I have not had my kids together for more than a week at a time for more than 7 years. For the past several years, every Sunday he would drive himself and Trinity across town to the other parent's house. Now, all of the sudden he wasn't. I believe through these 7 years the kids talked, laughed, complained, sang (video proof of this), and just generally bonded over their predetermined fate. After the second official week of being roommates, Peyton said, "Mom, you know this is the most time that just you and I have spent together in more than 7 years. It's pretty cool." I loved this and also felt sad. Sad that we, the adults, put our kids through this. Sad that we changed how they see relationships and marriages. But so happy to see that despite all the change, Peyton still found the positive, the light, the love. So many things in life are unexpected - but that doesn't mean we can't grow and look for life's unplanned blessings.