When I’m Sixty-Four
My husband told me that when he asked my dad for my hand in marriage over 20 years ago, my dad’s initial response was, “Well, you have to learn to compromise.” Apparently, my dad was caught a little off guard with the request, but he was also quick to provide some wisdom to his future son-in-law. Gabe’s response to my dad’s advice to this day is, “Your dad sure was right!”
Marriage truly provides a testing ground for giving of oneself to another and in turn, receiving the whole of the other person. Marriage is a boot camp of sorts to grow in virtue. Sometimes I think I forget that. I fail to see that the person joined to me by God just may be my path to salvation. We often say as parents that our goal is to get our kids to heaven. I haven’t always thought about the goal of getting my spouse to heaven. It wasn’t until well into our marriage that I reflected deeply on that responsibility. It was surely implied somewhere in those wedding vows, but I know I wasn’t intentional about living out that duty.
Marriage is a Sacrament in our Catholic Faith. It is not just a contract. Nor is it just husband and wife that enter into it (although, they do confer the Sacrament upon each other by their promises to one another, in the presence of a priest or deacon). It is husband, wife, and God. Just as God poured out grace upon us at Baptism, He delivers abundantly again with these special graces during Holy Matrimony.
Remembering to take my dad’s advice to compromise in my marriage sure is a smoother path than always fighting for my position. Having patience with one another sure is a calmer path than getting frustrated when working out family and work schedules. Practicing being grateful each day for an opportunity to help my spouse get to heaven and giving praise that he is trying to help me get there too makes the path easier to travel. I write these things now, not because I have them figured out. Because I don’t. I write these things as a reminder to myself, and a reminder of the truths of what God has planned and has promised.
The song that Gabe and I chose to play during the cutting of the cake at our wedding reception was “When I’m Sixty-Four” by The Beatles. Indeed, this was an example of compromise by me in this instance. After all, I did listen to The Beatles, but a lot of my parents’ music influence on me came from The Rolling Stones (thank you, Dad) and ABBA (thank you, Mom). However, Gabe picked a great song. If you’re not familiar with it, the song is about growing old together. The refrain goes, “Will you still need me, will you still feed me, When I'm sixty-four?” And that, in a nutshell, is what nearly all marriages can aspire to - needing each other to the end of our days here on earth, and choosing to feed each other. Not just feeding each other a crumbly piece of white wedding cake, but feeding each other with our gifts to help each other grow in virtue, become a better person, and seek the path to heaven.
I’m praying for holy marriages among you and around us. I give thanks for the example of the holy marriage of my parents, who are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary today.
