Offer It Up

Have you ever had someone think something about you that isn't true or just isn't good? Well, here's my story.

In April of 1992, I interviewed at Pontiac High School to teach English and coach basketball and softball. My plan was to stay for one year and then move back down south where my family lived. Well, here I am 29 years later. My brother recently made a comment about me not being the nicest person, and it hurt my feelings. Despite the almost 3 decades that have gone by, my twin brother still thinks of me as that twenty-something girl that didn't have her life figured out and kind of lived by the seat of her pants. He still doesn't think I have my life figured out. This is the problem though - I like to be heard. I like to be right, and I'm also really good at arguing, usually! But I said nothing to Mark. I offered it up. I knew if I said anything to him it would turn into a fight, so I remained quiet. (Shocking I know.)

I find it frustrating to be judged through his old vision of me. I have lived in Pontiac longer than I ever lived at home, yet he doesn't seem to see the strides I've made to be a better daughter, mother, sister, and friend. He only sees the mistakes I have made. He doesn't seem to notice the changes I've made in my life and especially in my faith.

I want to tell him about my faith, my daily prayer life, the people that have guided me on this path, and how it has helped me so much. How on the days when I don't make time to pray that I can tell a difference in me and in how I interact with people. But I don't. Why? I'm not ashamed. I'm actually proud of the changes I've made in my faith journey. I guess I feel like he wouldn't understand. I have chosen to surround myself with people who are also on a journey. Luckily those people opened themselves up to allowing me to tag along and what a gift they have given to me.

So this has me thinking. How can I talk to my brother about this part of my life? I've decided that talking to him may not work, and he won't necessarily believe me if he doesn't see the change. I will continue to pray that God will help me figure out a way to share this part of my life with him. I don't want to be judged for the mistakes I made 10-20 years ago. I want to be judged on the good that I try to do every day and on the effort I am giving. Instead of trying to handle it myself or persuade him, my plan is to offer up my thoughts and feelings to God and see what He thinks. Wish me luck!!