Scars and Why I Remember Them
Eight years ago on June 12, 2017, I finished my treatment for breast cancer. Prior to, in November 2016, I had a mass removed. More surgery in December and started chemotherapy in January. My kids were in 7th grade and 2nd grade. As we moved through those months, crazy things were happening - like - my hair fell out, my marriage was falling apart, my children were suffering, my family and friends were suffering - and that was just through four rounds of chemo. I then started 34 rounds of radiation therapy including 4 booster rounds. To say that it was a hard start to the year was an understatement.
But -there was much to celebrate. Trinity turned 8 that January. Her (our) Gotcha Day, March 26, happened, she received her first communion, and our birthmom Gina was pregnant with Natalia and was able to come to the celebration. Peyton turned 13 on June 7, my wedding anniversary was June 8, June 10 was the anniversary of Peyton's twin sister, Hayley's death, and June 11 was my grandmother's birthday; it was always a celebration for grandma's birthday. Unfortunately, Grandma passed away in January of that year. We always celebrated the good days and honored our loved ones on the sad days. June 11 was also the day my now ex-husband left me and told our kids that our marriage was over. It was a Sunday, and it was a horrible day.
But - we got up the next day and drove to Bloomington so I could finish treatment and celebrate. My kids came in with me and waited in the lobby. They got to ring the bell with me. IT WAS AWESOME. WE DID IT. When I look at that picture, I only see goodness and love. You don't see the surgical scars or the burns from radiation. You can't tell that our family as we knew it was tearing apart. You can't tell that their dad moved out three days after our 15th wedding anniversary. You can't tell that my kids had been up all night crying because they didn't know what was going to happen to our family. You can't tell any of that. You can't see the scars from that time. You can only see love and joy and faith. Faith in each other. Faith in God, and faith that we were going to be okay.
Last weekend we celebrated Peyton turning 21 down south in my hometown Mascoutah. I was very emotional that week because of the birthdays, anniversaries, death days. It was a lot. But I started thinking about how grateful I am. I truly can't imagine my life any other way. I believe the scars - physical, emotional, and spiritual, have shaped my kids and me into the people we are today. We are good. We are loved, and know our Father loves us most even on our worst days. I am not who I was before. I have had crazy lows and big time highs, and I have no doubt who controls my life. I am beyond thankful for the scars and the dates that do not define us. We are so much more than the "stuff" that happens to us. Our lives are living proof every day that God is good and we are blessed. So remember those days, celebrate getting through it, and never lose faith.
Listen to Scars by I AM THEY